Feeling Guilty
by ImaginationStation00
Summary: Katniss is the victor of the 74th Annual Hunger Will she have many suitors or is there one person in particular she's got her eye on? What will President Snow throw at her now? And what is she going to be feeling dating someone else around Peeta's ghost? How will Katniss cope with being a victor?More importantly how will she cope with all the guilt?
1. Chapter 1

Somehow, right now death seems almost alright with me. But I know I'll feel guilty about killing myself, even after death it will eat at me. The drop to the ground isn't that far to the ground. Only fifteen feet. That would probably cause minor damage. The thing that wouldn't just cause minor damage would be the twenty one Capitol created, ugly, rabid, ferocious wolf mutts that are surrounding the cornucopia waiting to rip me to shreds as soon as I slip off the top of my bittersweet safe haven.

I'm still debating on how I want the Capitol and everyone at home to see my death because I'd rather die by my own bow an arrow then by the Capitol's mutants and a teenage murder. Cato. It would literally kill me to have to make Gale and Prim and my mom and Hazelle and the kids watch me die under Cato's hand.

" I can still do this, I can still do this." Cato shouts threateningly. Cato has Peeta in a headlock and holds his body over the edge teasingly. The wolf mutts bark and jump at Peeta with hopes' of finding flesh. His lips are turning blue and his face slowly draining of color. Cato's blood drips from his temple and slides down his face and lands on Peeta.

"How about I kill myself and you two go home?" I answer with uncertainty ringing throughout my voice. I can just picture my family watching, their cries, begging me to not commit suicide.

"Katniss no!" Peeta begs weakly. Cato guffaws pulling his arms tighter around Peeta's neck.

"I know you won't do that sweetheart." He taunts. "You have that sister of yours watching you, you would never hurt her like that." I nod slightly because its true. "And what about that ever so handsome young man back home. The one who pulled your sister off you at the reaping. Do you remember him?" I nod again. I open my mouth to speak back but he shushes me. "And if I live, I will make sure that your family and that that boy and this boy," he notions to the struggling Peeta in his arms. "Will live horrible lives."

I'm horrified at what this boy will do to my loved ones. Anger swells up inside of me and I turn red with anger. He hit a nerve. And no one talks to me about my family that way. "Why, they never did anything to you. They don't deserve it."

"But if you're not alive who can I blame for your score? I will hurt them and torture them because of your score, no one has ever gotten an eleven. How'd you do it? You pro-"

He falls off the cornucopia with three arrows lodged in his chest where his heart would be. Peeta falls too, struggling helplessly. "I'm so sorry Peeta, it couldn't have come down to me and you." I apologize. "And Cato, no one talks to me about my family like that. Fuck you, go to hell and never feel happy again." I smile to myself and sit back listening to the joyful sounds of agonizing screams escaping the two boys' lips.

Two canons sound hours later. I have gotten in a good nap. The bells ring and I breath out, it has been the breath I've been holding in since I got in the arena. I won. I knew I could do it. Gale knew I could do it. "Gale, I did it." I whisper. "FUCKING GET ME OUT OF HERE MORONS." I shout when the hovercraft takes its sweet times to reach me. I jump onto the ladder first chance I get. "See ya arena." I call out. And then I'm pulled into the plane and am confronted by my prep team.


	2. Chapter 2

They surround me and shower me with hugs and pepper me with kisses. I'm congratulated and wished well. They chatter absent-mindlessly on the ride back while I stare at the open windows. They had them blacked out before but now since I'm the victor they let us look at where the arena was. And as I thought, we were near district twelve. Maybe Gale could have seen the arena. But probably not.

I wonder why they don't let me stop at twelve since its closer but apparently that's not how it works for victors. I have to watch the games again, in three hours and have an interview with Caesar Flickerman about them too. How fun. Then and only then do I get to go home to Gale and Prim and everyone else. I'm not looking forward to trading with the baker, or just any moment with the Mellark family in general. But sometimes people get selfish and don't think about others. I'll admit I'm guilty about that, but the district can't be mad at me considering I'm the first victor we've had in twenty four years.

I'm deciding what I should do with my money, probably use it to but the Hawthorne's food and get myself a better bow and traps. That will be fun. I wonder what my new talent could be. I could do career training camp for some of the seam and merchant children so that they actually have a chance at living when I become their mentor in a year. Maybe I'll just give the money to Prim and mom. I'll go live in my old house and they can live in Victor's Village, because I sure as hell don't want to live anywhere near any Capitol created thing.

We reach the Capitol in record time and they bring me to my pent house apartment. The same one above the training center that I spent in before the games. The three hour viewing and interview is in four hours. I decide to take a nap since I haven't slept in a bed for over two weeks. As soon as my face hits the pillow, I'm out like a light.

Cinna comes to congratulate me thirty minutes before the show begins, he retouches my make up and helps me pick out an outfit for interviews. But I'm feeling stubborn and cocky, so I refuse to wear a dress and find jeans and a tight fitting, black long sleeved shirt made of a material the Capitol concocted. They call it nylon. I put my hair in my signature braid over my left shoulder and turn to Cinna.

He stares disapprovingly. "Katniss, you've changed so much."

"Only because I had to kill a bunch of children, almost kill myself, almost be killed, and have the whole world watch me. I'm fearless now, I'm victorious, I can kill with out it being on my conscious because I was forced to be able to. I have to move on with life. so I'm going to. Be proud I'm alive."

He has nothing to say to that.

He puts a reassuring hand on the small of my back still displeased because I am not wearing anything for the occasion. The Capitol isn't going to like it. But I could care less. He shows me to the side of the stage where I will wait until the show begins. I am still in shock from coming out of the arena so every un natural sound causes me to turn and bring my hands to fists prepared to fight. I wonder what my family will think of me. I feel guilty thinking about all the money I'm going to have, for killing twenty three children. Of course I didn't kill all of them, but I killed most of them.

I recount every death I caused. Thirteen is the number of my final count. Over half. Prim is going to hate me. Why did I even want to live after I killed all of them? Because I love them and I deserve to live after all I've been through. And yes, maybe I want to tell Gale how I feel about him. He has been so important to me, and I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for his help. Of course Peeta saved me in his own way, but he made me look weak, and I hated him for it. And I could never love a boy back. Especially him with his immature ways. His immature stalking, of course I noticed. I stuck with Gale because I felt safe and free with Gale, and also, I didn't want to wind up alone with him and get raped, you know. Peeta gave me that sort of vibe, and frankly, I was creeped out. What about the bread? That was weird. Like 'Oh, my legs aren't working, let me throw you the bread because my mom supervises me while I feed piglets. Hope you like them moist.' That was kind of weird.

Gale is mature, wise beyond his years, face already aged even though he's only eighteen. Gale is a man, in a boys body, like me. I am a woman trapped in this body. We are so alike, so opinionated. We agree with each other, but have our own reasons. And when we have to we keep our own ground, stand for what we believe in. We are right with each other, also brought together with one common enemy. We were made for each other. And I hope that after this 'star crossed lover act' is over, I can apologize to Gale, maybe try and make him fall for me, as hard as I have for him, over these past few months.

I'd be lucky if he even considered that kind of relationship with me. I was sixteen, awkward, adolescent, average. He was almost nineteen, strong, handsome, genuine, and very straight forward. He hardly ever showed any emotions about his family, never having the time too anyways. He was too busy making sure his family was full before he even touched the food.

That is the kind of person I want for me. Selfless, but fiery. Gale is mine. I will make sure of it.

The anthem beginning loudly pulls me from my thoughts. Caesar introduces me as the victor and calls me out to stage. Feeling confident in my jeans and top, I stride over to my reserved chair and take a seat. The crowd gasps, hell, the whole Panem gasps. I smirk and expectantly turn to Caesar.

"Katniss Everdeen, how are you?" He starts. How am I? Is he kidding? I just went through the games. My brows furrow. My jaw trembles. I have to take a deep breath before answering.

I freaking almost died, in several situations. I considered killing myself, so I didn't have to kill Peeta, even though in the end I did. I got sliced by Clove, stung by poisonous wasps, almost got chewed alive by hideous wolf mutts that looked like the tributes, a d then I almost died in the cornucopia blood bath. I can't even consider that as fine. I basically murdered all twenty three of them. I'm a killer. Ferocious. Different. "Not good." I answer.

"Care to elaborate."

"Sure, Caesar." I comply darkly. He leans back with terror shown in his eyes. "Imagine being in the arena. Your outside, the temperature un natural, the animals, plants and sunlight, not natural. Twenty three children, wanting to come home to the people they love. And the majority of them know that they're biggest wish is not going to come true. Imagine understanding that your going to die. That your family may have given Upon you returning. Then what do you have to live for?

I killed more than half of the tributes in there, because I knew my family wouldn't give up on me, even though I'm from an outlying district. I wasn't a murderer before this, but now I am, now I defend myself after any unnatural touch. I have a sick, twisted mind now. And nightmares are going to be present every night for the rest of my life. I'm not talented, so what am I going to do to fill my days? I'm going to rot away. Caesar, I'm not good."

"My, my miss Everdeen, I am so sorry. Lets start the interview now alright?" I nod to him in return. "When did you first believe that you actually had the chance to come home?"

"Easy, when Cato and Peeta died. That was the first time I let myself believe I was safe. Otherwise I would have broken down." That was a fairly easy question. Get going, Caesar, I want to eat steak, with a knife. I mentally whined. Holy shit, I wanted a knife in my hand. Boy, was I going to shock my family.

"How did you feel about Peeta's death?" He inquires. And I'm taken aback. Should I still go with the act or not? Thinking about this I remember Gale, probably watching me silently in the back of his home, wanting me to tell the truth.

"Honest truth?" I ask Caesar. I feel like I'm asking Gale what he wants to hear. I picture him in my mind and try to answer honestly, for him. "I know this is going to make me sound heartless, though I probably already am, I am relieved that he is dead."

I squeak escapes Caesar's lips. He is dumbfounded. He struggles to recompose. "Katniss, from what we saw in the arena, it looked like you we're falling for him. Please start from the beginning from after the show when he confessed his love for you until now. I'm sure we are all very confused."

"I bet you are." I smile. My family at home is probably staring at me with agape mouths, shocked at my evil acting skills. I hope Prim doesn't realize how easy it is to lie to her. Peeta's family is probably furious with me for admitting this. Their son put his life and heart out on the line, and both were taken away selfishly. I probably won't be able to trade with them again. Gale will do it for me, I conclude. "Peeta told me he liked me during the interview. Me, not knowing a thing about boys, could not sense this from him. He saved my life a long time ago, and so I was going to save his to repay him. When he admitted his feelings I didn't know how to react. Mostly I was mad, because I thought he was trying to make me look weak. After the show I kind of," I stopped and chuckled, remembering how I had pushed him up against a wall in a choke hold and had spat in his face, accusing him, and barking profanities at him. Then I had ruined his hands by breaking a glass vase and pushing him into the shattered pieces.

"Go on. Details, details." Caesar begged. I laughed one short laugh and explained my mistake. The crowd was laughing, but very surprised at my violent skills. Then Caesar reminded me of the very important rule: no fighting with other tributes, you'll have plenty of time for that in the arena. "Alright, explain what you were thinking when you decided to go along with this creative plan."

"We'll, I figured he was going to try to bring me home right, so he was giving up his life for me. That changed things." I paused. The crowd snickered in response. "So I guess you can call me selfish, but I really wanted to go home to my own crush." I quick put my hand to my mouth and flushed red. I didn't mean to say that out loud. I looked down at my feet.

"Oh my! Katniss, who is the lucky fellow? Don't mind me repeating this but, he can't turn you down now, eh?" He joked. I laughed nervously with him.

"Yah, no, he doesn't like me. Any ways, back to Peeta." I steered. But Caesar wouldn't take it. We argued back and forth, fighting for control over the conversation until I decided to just talk about my ever so clever plan with or without him questioning me. "I decided to let him die thinking that I cared about him, and I do, don't think I don't, just never that type of caring. You see, he told me about his life in town, and told me, how he wished his brother volunteered for him, like I did for mine. He felt like no one cared about him. So I pitied him, why go into the arena with a positive outlook if you know no one really cares that you're not coming back. So why fight?"

"What did that have to do with you though?" Caesar inquires with genuine curiosity, forgetting my previous statement about love.

"I gave him something worth fighting for, at least till the end." I finish. Everyone is speechless. Then the audience erupts with joyful noises. Laughing, clapping, hoots, and hollers. Shouts ringing out. I nodded my head at them. They should be proud and or happy. What I had done, was deep. I hoped the Mellark family wasn't to mad.

"That is something. It really is. A few more questions though, if you don't mind. Back to your confession, what are you going to do when you get back to district twelve?"

"I honestly haven't thought about it. I'm thinking about starting a singing program at the school." I lie. Hunting is illegal in Panem. "Probably, most likely actually, I'm going to go hug my family, tell them how much I love them, and then go sleep for a few days."

"That sounds magnificent. I bet the district is really happy with your victory, and can not wait for a music program. Way to be selfless. That makes you a true victor." Caesar compliments. And it strikes true. That is what makes people real victors. "But I was thinking more along the lines of romance, my dear."

I feel the heat rise in my cheeks again. Gale isn't going to like this. Even if he doesn't like me, I'm still going to be pushed to admit it. I don't want to, but the Capitol is a scary place when they want something. It hurts to think about Gale this way. I get jealous every time I see him with a new girl. Someone who's prettier than me. He's out of my league. And I know that. I even listen to him rant about them in our woods. He freaking is contaminating our place with other girl nonsense. I hate it. I hate them.

But what if Gale does like me? What if he was jealous of me with Peeta? He can't be now. But even that sounds impossible. Gale would want someone from town, to make life easier for him, or someone pretty. Someone who had experience, with those those things.

I still didn't know almost anything about that, because I was too busy with food occupying my life, that I didn't have time for extra wants. I blush again, thinking about wanting Gale, that way. But I guess it's kind of true. I wish he was more than a friend. We're already comfortable around each other. It wouldn't be too different, right?

"What is going on in that head of yours, missy?" Caesar teases. "Daydreaming?" He chuckles.

"Yah." Shit. I let that one slip out too. Crap, crap, crap! He guffaws and leans back in his chair.

"What are you going to do about him, when you get home?" He inquires.

"Not go and tell him, that's for sure." I retort.

"Audience, can you keep a secret?" He asks towards the crowd. Mumbled yes' come out from the Capitol people. "Alright, Katniss, go ahead and tell us, we won't tell."

"Ceasar, you know, they're are cameras and every district is watching this too." I complain. I hate being embarrassed.

"Okay, fine, tell me." He offers. I lean in towards him as he leans in towards me. He puts his mouth near my ear first. "Is it the boy from the reaping, Gale Hawthorne?"

I nearly fall out of my chair. I'm so stupid, of course he knew who he was. Why I wouldn't admit. Gale was gorgeous, older than me. King of the slag heap, and I was nothing, nobody. "How-how did you know?" I whisper. He laughs and pulls away. But still speaks quietly. Just loud enough for the microphones to catch.

"You have good taste." He chuckles. Everyone is impatient that I haven't spilled the beans. "Katniss when, your ready."

"I'll never be." I snap back.

"I'll give you thirty seconds. Then I'll tell everyone myself." He threatens.

"You wouldn't." I snarl.

"Watch me." He says back with an equally mean verve. He wouldn't, he can't. If he does I'm going to die in embarrassment. I'll drown in it. I'll never resurface. I watch him smile at the cameras. He pulls in a breath. "One last chance Katniss."

"Can't we just watch the show?" I plead. At home, I'm guessing everyone can see my uneasiness. They probably already know who it is. Shame. That is what I'm feeling.

"Katniss Everdeen has a crush on-". I tackle him. Put the futher mucker in his place.

"Put the recap on please." I ask the show manager. He agrees. While the screen begins. I help Caesar up and explain why I had to do that.

"Oh, Katniss. I'm so sorry. As long as you comply to President Snow, he won't hurt Gale." He assures me. I sigh in relief.

"He can't touch him now, he's out of the reaping. I'm sorry Caesar, just I know he doesn't like me like that. He, he..." He puts a hand on my shoulder.

"I know it seems that way, but are you sure? Do you know what he said to you before the train when you left?" He asks me quietly while the interviews in the recap are playing.

"He told me to win, and that he would make sure my family was safe, why?"

"Because he said he loved you." I nearly died inside. I threw my arms around him. I thanked him for the soothing comfort. "Let's turn our attention to you girl on fire." He motions to the monitor. I comply.

We watch me turning from small innocent hider, to mean hunter, especially when I snatch the bow from Glimmer's grotesque fingers. Then how I kill all the remaining tributes except for Thresh and Cato and Peeta. Cato kills Thresh after hours of going at it on and off. Then the finale, I put my hands up to my eyes and peak through to see the close up of Cato and Peeta get ripped apart, mauled, destroyed by the mutts. Then they show me napping during it. I look heartless.

I turn into a victor and they show my district cheering for me. But they didn't cut off the video in time for me not to see the Mellark's sticking the middle finger at me for napping during their sons death. "Katniss, are you ready to go home?"

"Yes, but I really enjoyed my time in the Capitol." I lie, monotone. Gale and my family will be able to see thought this one. And that's all that matters. Caesar once again announces my name to the world and helps me stand. He takes my hand in his and raises it above my head.

"The victor of the seventy fourth annual hunger games, Katniss Everdeen, district twelve." And then the lights go out. I'm ushered off stage and into the training center. Once there Haymitch, Effie, Cinna, A teary Portia, and my prep team, await.


	3. Chapter 3

They pull me in for dinner where I devour my meal, happy with my hands finally on a knife. I do remember most manners, for Effie's sake though.

After dinner we watch the interview and I'm surprised at how nice I actually seem. Off stage before the show I knew I was mad, steaming ready to be snarky, cocky. But I think my brain was subconsciously trying to help me seem normal again. For my family I think. For Prim. Then Haymitch offers me the most sweet thing in the world.

"Sweetheart, your family would like to have a video chat with you from Victors Village." He leads me to his room which surprisingly doesn't reek of alcohol and pushes the accept button on his tv screen. And then I'm face to face with, not my family, not Gale's family, but Madge, the mayors daughter.

"Katniss!" She squeals. She sounds like Glimmer to me. I cringe slightly. She doesn't notice. "Katniss. I'm so proud of you, everyone is. We all miss you and can't wait for you to come home. Gale told me to tell you something. He said you and I could talk about it, because he knew that it wasn't your best subject." She says in a questioning tone.

"What did he say?" I ask. She looks at me nervously and then her eyes flick towards something in the room across from her. Probably a door. Making sure no one hears. I hope this topic is safe and not being recorded here somewhere.

"He said he knows who you were talking about." She pauses, waiting for my reaction. I don't believe him. But why would he go to Madge? Does that mean he wants her to help me get over the heartbreak hell give me when turning me down?

"Why did he tell you?" I keep my voice even, though I'm pretty sure I sound unstable.

"Because, he likes you too, silly." She sings. Wait, wait, what?

"Hold on, he told you that he likes me, awkward, adolescent, average sixteen year old, me?" I ask incredulously.

"Well, no, not directly. But the way he acted during the Games, proved he did." She glances again towards the thing in the room. I had a feeling someone was in there with her. "Do you really like him, or is it an act?" She asks me.

"Madge, I do, I really do, but he's older than me, prettier than me, he's completely out of my league. But I think he is just protective of me, like a big brother or something. So that's how I act around him. I'm good at acting though. I didn't mean to say I had a crush during the interview in the first place." I take a deep breath.

Madge looks expectantly at the thing again. But looks at me with worried eyes. "Katniss are you okay. You sound like your going to faint."

"I'm fine." I say softly. I hear someone in the background.

"Catnip?" So Gale's there, huh? I guess this is better than talking to him directly. I just wanted a more romantic reunion. This will suffice. I pretend I didn't hear him.

"Why did you tackle Caesar?" Madge asks stifling a giggle. I chuckle.

"He already knew. He whispered to me, and I quote, 'is it the boy from the reaping, Gale Hawthorne?' And I was like, 'oh god'. How did he know?"

"That's creepy. What did he say after?" She asks again looking at Gale more often now. She has a knowing smile on her lips and I know it's because she's giving him the I told you so look.

"He was like, just do anything President Snow says and he won't get hurt."

"Oh no, Katniss, you know what this means, right?" She exclaims anxiously. She doesn't look at Gale anymore and is focusing her pure attention on me. Honestly I did no what she meant. And what Caesar meant to. I just didn't have time for it to actually work it's way into my brain.

"Doesn't it mean I'm going to be a sex slave or something awful like that?" I question. She nods with glistening eyes. "Hey, Madge, it's okay, call me Finnick Odair or something." I joke while I can hear Gale growling with anger towards Snow right now. Madge smiles and keeps on plowing.

"At least they won't hurt him, and you too can be together."she says sweetly for Gale's sake. She can't be naive though.

"Ha, after my appointments, he can take me to the slag heap, I'll be legible." I joke. She nearly chokes on her spit. "I'm kidding Madge. Gale no harm done, right?" This time she gasps.

"How could you tell, Kat?" She looks scared of me.

"Madge I'm not mad at you." I assure. "I could tell because you kept looking at him and then he said my nickname. Which wasn't very smart." I explain. "Gale come around where I can see you." I add. I can't hear him but ever so slowly does he appear behind Madge, with an embarrassed look on his face.

"I guess everyone knew before we did, Catnip." He says softly. Madge makes room for him where there sitting. " I'm proud of you."

"I know." I smirk. It's good seeing him. I thought I couldn't take one more day without seeing him. I was right. My heart was immediately at ease now.

"Katniss, what are you going to do now with all that stuff with Snow?" Madge inquires.

"Just give me a knife. I'll gut him and my clients like there's no tomorrow, cut off their ears and,". I stop when I see the repulsive looks their giving me. Like I'm some sort of monster.

"Katniss, are you really okay. What happened to you?" I'm tired of her asking questions. I have some too.

"I won the hunger games, Madge, I'm heartless." I respond. "I have some questions now."

"Wait, hold on." They both interrupt. "Your not heartless, Katniss. I mean you can't be, because your in love." Madge continues.

I blush. "Yah, Catnip, and I'm not going to let them use you. You are too pure for that." I had to laugh at that one. My sides hurt at the irony. Pure? Innocent? I just murdered twenty three children, thirteen from my own hands. "What? Why are you laughing?"

"I'm not pure, or innocent. I'm a monster. A heartless monster. I think I ate my heart, and that's why I killed so many." They stay silent. I continue my questions. "How is Hazelle and all the kids? Prim and my mom? Did you see the Mellark's flick me off?"

"They are fine. No, I didn't, but I'm glad you won still. It doesn't matter." Madge comforts. "What are you going to really do for your talent, Katniss? The whole district knew that was a big lie."

"I'm going to start a training center, for children to come eat good foods and then buff up. Learn skills with knifes bows and such. I don't really want the money though. I'm going to give it out to people and no one can stop me. I'm still going to live in my normal house though. I don't want anything made in the Capitol."

"Except their food." Gale adds. I laugh.

"Maybe you two can come with me during the quell and we can mentor together and then go celebrate their food at night." I suggest. It would be fun. There eyes widen at the idea.

"Seriously." Madge exclaims. The jumps up from her chair and dances around the room before sitting down again. Gale stays silent but has a smile on his lips. "I've always wanted to go, and now I can."

"Yah, and you won't be headed towards your death when you do come." I say before realizing what I just said. "You won't get picked Madge. Like Gale said the day of the reaping, your name is only in there six times, it will be alright. And even so, I'll make sure you win if you are picked. It's easy."

"When you play the Star crossed lover angle." She mumbles. I snarl at her. Is she fucking kidding me?!

"Madge," Gale warns.

"Excuse me, Madge. What did you say?" I ask darkly. My voice deep with a killing ambience.

"Nothing, nothing I take it back." She shakes her head in terror.

"I can't fucking hurt you from here Madge. Chill. But I don't understand what you meant by your statement?"

"You had so many sponsors from Peeta, you were spared from the gamemakers because they wanted to play out the romance or something."

"Yah and it was disgusting. I'm glad I killed him. My first kiss should have been special or something crappy like that." I mumble to Madge forgetting that Gale is still there.

"What!" Gale barks enraged. "He was your first kiss. It's almost okay for me knowing that you had kissed others before him, therefore making him not as special, but he was your first. I am outraged." He roared quietly. Fuming in Madge's room.

"Oh Katniss I have an idea." Madge smiles at me with a look that I know what she means. Gale turns towards her and looks utterly confused. We both laugh and he demands to know the plan so he can go along with it. "But the then it won't be as magical." Madge winks. I flush a rose pink.

"I have to go to bed guys, Cinna isn't happy with my look." I laugh, gesturing my face.

"Did they wax you Katniss?" Madge asks me.

"Everywhere." And as a girl she understands and shudders.

"I won't let them do that to me if I get chosen." She sets her mind on it.

"I won't either. It was excruciatingly painful, and I don't know why it had to be done there, I mean I wasn't going to try and impress anybody." I winked at Gale playfully. But he still sat there lost in thought of our mischievous plan. "Hey, hey I have to go now, Haymitch is going to flip a lid." I say hurriedly.

The door opens and Haymitch stands with a bottle in one hand. "Sweetheart, Snow needs to talk to you before bed. Good luck." Then he departs.

"Well, speak of the devil." I try to say smoothly, but my voice breaks. Snow is mad at me.

"Katniss, we love you and we will help you get through the appointments. Don't get any pedophiles. That was a joke." Madge tries to cheer me up. So I play along.

"Let's hope I get some Capitol hotties! Birth control, here I come." I try to act like a Capitol person, mimicking there stupid accents. Madge manages to sputter something unintelligible whereas Gale remains sullen as ever.

"Catnip, be safe, and please don't talk like that, I finally got you, I'm not losing you again." Gale pleads. The look in his eyes is enough to bring me back to my senses.

"Don't worry I'm going to stay and cause all kinds of trouble." We say our goodbyes and I get up and head towards the living area.

The first thing I sense is roses, then the blood. Soon I'm face to face with my largest enemy. He sits on the couch and smiles a sick smile at me. He tell me to take a seat across from him. I follow the orders and take a breath through my mouth and prepare for the bad news I'm bound to hear.


	4. Chapter 4

Hullo everyone. Thank you for my reading my story, I'm so honored. Tell me what you want to happen next. Read on, I hope you enjoy it. ~Kal

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His snake like eyes bore into my own with such intensity I feel like he is staring straight into my soul, or my sacred place. Which is worse because I'm about to give that part of me up to stupid Capitolites which were crazy. And this also would be my first time, and that was about to be ruined. I hate the Capitol. I do, I do. I chant internally. Snow hasn't even said a word and I already want to smack him. I stare back at him with a cold expression. He laughs at my attempt to threaten him.

He really is mentally insane.

"Pretty little victor, I have an offer for you." He starts. I want to refuse the preposterous idea, but he'll kill Gale, kill Madge, worse than them, Prim. He coughs and a few drops of blood pour out of his mouth. He wipes his face clean with a white handkerchief. "Sorry about that." He mumbles. The cloth turns red. Absolutely disgusting.

"What is the offer? Since you have been so generous to me this year, I am in debt to you anyways." I sugarcoat. If I want him to play my game, I'm going to have to play his. He doesn't seem to pick up on my acidic tone.

"How kind of you miss Everdeen. You are the first one to address me like that, and because of it, I will make sure we can come to a compromise, alright?" He seeks. I nod and he nods his head as agreement. He continues, " I know you have heard of Finnick Odair. You are probably in the know of what he does for me and the Capitol. I heard that your status in the games got you to be even more popular with my Capitol crowd, they want to have the same opportunity with you that they've had with Mr. Odair, Miss Johanna Mason, and several others. Any rules you would like to throw out first?" He asks me.

"I am very grateful for this President Snow. This will be my first time doing all of this meaning, I'm still a- a you know... ". I trail. He nods with understanding. "So I guess the compromises I would have would be, no one over forty, I'm not sure." I say with a shaky voice. He nods again, seeming in thought.

"How about I tell you something's you can choose from?" He suggests. I shake my head vigorously finding no voice to answer with. "Okay, age limit, rating of behavior, number of appointments, a tutor, when it starts, birth control options." The list is short. But I have to read the fine print. That is an old saying from even before Panem was born. It makes sense for a lot of things though.

"Age limit and number of appointments." I choose after careful evaluation. With my thoughts sorted out, I won't have molesters, or pedophiles, and then I will only have a limited quota to fill and then me and Gale will be free to spend the rest of our lives together.

"And you will be starting after the Victory Tour, how about that?" He's done me a huge favor. And I'm so happy, grateful, and owing to him that I can't stand it.

"President, I feel like giving you a hug." I admit. He raises his eyebrows, throws his head back and laughs genuinely.

"That isn't allowed, but it touched my heart. You may be my favorite victor yet. Get good rest, and may e try to learn some techniques."

"From who?" I question, as he gets up from the couch. He heads towards the door, and I follow him. He turns before he reaches the door.

"Anyone you like. Call me up if you don't know, and I'll find someone gentle. I'll pick the age range and numer of appointments based on demands. Thank you Girl on Fire. I'll make sure to send you away with birth control in your stream." He guarantees. I thank him once more and let him go without more hassle. As soon as he's out of the apartment. I run to my room and try to wash off the filthy smell of interview, Caesar Flickerman, and blood and roses. I go for the pine smelling option and let the shower work its magic into my scalp and hair, and scrub my body clean.

I come out and towel dry myself. I slip on black leggings and a gray hoodie. I braid my hair back into its place and go out to the roof. I gaze up at the night sky. The real sky, not the arena made atmosphere. Somewhere Gale is out there, and probably looking up at the stars too. We are under the same sky, and somehow that makes me feel closer, makes me feel safer.

I can't wait to hug him, hold him and never leave him again. He's become so vital to my survival, so much that I feel empty without him. He is my other half and he completes me. Perfect, that's what I'll tell him first chance I get. Well have a toasting and he will have access to my money and will never have to go down into those horrible, life killing, dark, dusty, scary mines. Thank god for my bow and arrow, or else I never would have won. Thank god for me winning. I earned it. I am proud of myself.

I finally start to feel sleep crawling its way into my eyes so I scuffle down to my chamber and clamber into the sheets. I fall asleep on a positive note, the first time I have in such a long time actually. It feels right. It feels good. I feel content. I am proud of myself. And that is the antidote to curing a nightmare full sleep. So needless to say I basically pass out and have no nightmares, only dreams about the future. A world where I'm a victor, inside and out. And I don't have to feel guilty about it either.


End file.
